By: AL Vineyard for Drug Free Ozarks
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” -CS Lewis.
Keri Durbin’s beginning is heartbreaking, being raised in a household with two parents suffering from substance use disorders. She recalls being kept in her room for extended periods of time, while slipping love notes to her parents under the door. Durbin lived this way until she was 12, when her parents received treatment and began recovery.
Around the same time, Durbin hung around kids that were beginning to experiment with marijuana and alcohol. This was a comfortable atmosphere because substances were not foreign to her. By 15, Durbin was pregnant by a much older man. Her father, having been in recovery for many years by that point, adopted her infant son.
February 2009, after her son was adopted, Durbin began using methamphetamine. She was 16 years old.
Over the years, Durbin was charged with drug possession, manufacturing, distribution, and other crimes associated with drug-seeking behaviors. She often found herself in the revolving door of county jail.
Durbin tried many avenues to recovery. She was given a 120-shock treatment prison sentence, followed by drug court. She lived in different residential treatment facilities and attended recovery meetings. In 2016, she worked her program but still relied on a romantic relationship to be the foundation of her recovery. When the relationship ended, she had a recurrence of symptoms after 18 months in remission.
In five short months, Durbin’s son was removed by the state, she lost her job and her home, her father passed away, and her oldest son was also put in state’s care. She was suicidal. She felt worthless and lost. On January 1, 2019, two days after her suicide attempt, Durbin was arrested, and she discovered she was pregnant with her fourth child.
“God used everything that happened to take ahold of me and say enough is enough”, Durbin says as she recalls her feelings of those first days incarcerated in 2019. This was the first time she felt a spiritual guidance in the recovery process, and in the Taney County Jail, it ignited her passion for recovery.
She called her sister and asked her to save a copy of her mugshot from the jail’s website knowing that one day she would place it next to an image of herself laughing and smiling and be reminded of where she’s been and the beauty of change.
Durbin’s recovery has not been easy. In the beginning she struggled with having a negative and resentful attitude, accompanied by fear of openly communicating with others regarding her truths due to the stigmas associated with those that struggle with substance use disorders. She was facing 15 years in prison and had an open DFS (Department of Family Services) case involving her son.
After being released from jail, she was welcomed into Lori’s House, a residential treatment facility for pregnant women. In the past, she tried residential treatment, but she knew that there are many paths to recovery. She chose to give it her best.
Durbin also had to learn new life and communication skills that she was not taught in earlier years. She has learned how to take better care of herself and has developed budgeting, communicating, and parenting skills. She has learned to take a step back and analyze her thought patterns, words, and behaviors, asking herself “is this healthy?”
She began to cultivate a healthy support system. In moments of struggle or hardship, she relies on her support system to help her appropriately cope and move forward. She finds encouragement and accountability with open and honest communication.
She has worked hard in rewriting the narrative of her story to be more positive and effective for others. She believes in the support system so much that she spends her time giving back and being a support to others.
Having been a recipient a grant through Preferred Family Healthcare, she is honored to now use her experiences to help other mothers. She is a Certified Peer Specialist (CPS), working towards her Certified Reciprocal Peer Recovery (CRPR) certification, which requires more training and hands-on hours.
She earned an associate degree in business from Bryan University and will walk with her class on January 28, 2022.
Durbin’s DFS case was closed in November 2020. She is proud to amicably co-parent with her children’s father. Her oldest son was formally adopted by her sister, who allows communication and visitation. Durbin’s eyes fill with tears when she speaks about her gratitude knowing that she is afforded the opportunity to have a relationship with all three of her living children. 
She will be released from probation in July 2022, having already successfully met the requirements.
For Durbin, recovery began with complete honesty about her substance use disorder, asking for help, and her willingness to change. Through hard work and dedication, she has changed her ending. On January 1, 2022, she celebrates three years of recovery.
When asked what she wants people to know, she answered, “You are worth it. You can do this. Recovery is for all, not just one.”